Top definition. A top unknown. A phrase used by lesbian or gay referring to who is dominant, who is 'a top'. AToP internet. At Time of Post Used mainly on internet forums to describe something at the time of a users post and is likely to change later.
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Let's talk about gay sex — because even in , misconceptions are seemingly inescapable.
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- In human sexuality , top , bottom , and versatile are sex positions during sexual activity , especially between two men.
Let's talk about gay sex — because even in , misconceptions are seemingly inescapable. Maybe that's because sex between men or women, for that matter is still all but absent from mainstream media.
In fact, the Elton John biopic "Rocketman," released in May, is reportedly the first big-budget studio film with a sex scene between two men. Or maybe it's because gay sex that does leach into popular media tends to misrepresent typical sexual encounters — often to an embarrassing extent. The film "Brokeback Mountain" features a sex scene that gay men say misrepresents a typical sexual encounter. Focus Features. It's a nice idea: You lock eyes with an attractive man across the bar, and the next thing you know you're up against the wall having anal sex.
This is not a reality for many gay men, and there are a few reasons for that. If you're on the receiving end, you often need or prefer to have advanced notice before having sex, so you have time to clean out your rectum, typically with an anal douche or water enema. Douching is a simple way to reduce anxiety during sex. Plus, it's typically something you want to do right before having sex, a few men said. It's not just douching that gay men think about before sex.
They also find it helpful to plan out what they're eating in advance, according to Mark, a 25 year-old who lives in Brooklyn, NY. Mark and other men included in this story asked that Insider omit their last names to protect their privacy.
If I'm eating a heavy meal, for example, I would definitely think twice about being the recipient of penetrative sex. It's oftentimes a calculated decision. If a man is receiving, he might also need foreplay to prepare himself, according to Alex, a 29 year-old living in Los Angeles.
That's especially true if he hasn't received before, or in a while, he added. Otherwise, he said, anal sex can be painful. But sometimes "no matter how much preparation you've done, there are still gastrointestinal problems that preclude the act of anal sex," said Atish, 29, who lives in Riverside, California.
Many straight and gay people tend to consider sex to be "sex" only if there's penetration, said Mark, a 29 year-old living in Washington, DC. He prefers other kinds of sex, such as oral.
This isn't uncommon. Nonetheless, gay men often judge other gay men if they choose to abstain from anal sex, and even call them virgins, Mark said. That not only limits the idea of what sex can be, he said, but puts unnecessary pressure on people to have a certain kind of sex.
Straight people tend to define sex as penetration because, for them, intimacy is often connected to having children, Guggenheim said. But in reality, there's actually much to be gained by exploring other kinds of sex.
Opting for other forms of sex, such as rimming licking someone's anus or play with toys, "leads to a lot of really fun opportunities for exploring different feelings, different power dynamics, different levels of intimacy," he said.
In the gay male community, "top" or "bottom" refers to what role you fill during penetrative sex; topping is when you're doing the penetrating, whereas bottoming is when you're receiving. Many men push back against the very idea that top or a bottom is a fixed state. Preferences change — encounter to encounter, mood to mood, and even meal to meal. Worse, they say, is the belief that someone is a top or bottom, based solely on certain physical traits, or race.
A gay man who is tall, muscular, or black, for example, might be labeled as a top, regardless of their sexual preferences, whereas people often assume someone is a bottom if they're short, scrawny, or Asian. These labels, while often offensive, can also carry negative judgment, Guggenheim said. But it's also rooted in the false idea that power or dominance is dependent on someone's sexual role, he said.
Americans may be increasingly eschewing the gender binary , but for whatever reason, straight people love projecting a heteronormative gender dichotomy onto gay couples, Mark of DC said.
This stereotype feels close to misogyny, Mark said. And Guggenheim's perspective, based on conversations with hundreds of patients, supports that claim. If nothing else, this myth perpetuates a heteronormative social structure, Guggenheim said. And it reflects a sort-of selfish projection of straight relationships onto gay ones, according to Ryan, a 28 year-old living in NYC.
Grindr is a hookup that many gay men use. Queer media might have you believe that gay men have tons of sex — in the club, the sauna, wherever. Gay men also have a plethora of dating and hook-app apps.
You may have heard of Grindr. There is some truth to this: Many gay men have a lot of sex and enjoy being part of a community that is, on the whole, open about it. There's also an important history behind the culture of gay sex, which is often overlooked. There was no hand-holding and no kissing. One of the few ways for gay men to safely express their sexual identity was through sex. This culture of openness often extends to relationships. But that doesn't mean all gay men are always open to non-monogamy.
This stereotype, like the others, can be damaging. In reality, there are all kinds of reasons why a gay man might not want to have sex. And, frankly, those are nobody's business but his own. Benji Jones. Snapchat icon A ghost.
Sex between men is all but absent from mainstream media, and the few existing sex scenes often misrepresent typical sexual encounters. Gay men can't often have anal sex spontaneously, and "top" or "bottom" is not a permanent state that says something about your personality or gender role in a relationship. Several gay men also point out that sex often doesn't include penetration at all.
The idea that all sex means anal sex, they said, comes from applying heteronormative structures to gay relationships.
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That's also a safe, stress-free way to shed light on your pleasure preference. In any case, sex of any kind is best had without anxiety, too-high expectations, and strict labeling. A calm, cool, relaxed body, an open mind, mutual respect, and patience can reward you both with some pretty amazing sexual experiences. Instead of writing the script of what your anal encounter should be, go in with a blank canvas, let nature take control, and listen to your body's signals.
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In human sexuality , top , bottom , and versatile are sex positions during sexual activity , especially between two men. A top is usually a person who penetrates , a bottom is usually one who receives penetration, and a versatile engages in both activities or is open to engaging in either activity. These terms may be elements of self-identity that indicate an individual's usual preference, but might also describe broader sexual identities. A top is usually a person who engages in the penetrative role during sexual activity; for men who have sex with men MSMs , this often involves penetration using the penis during anal or oral sex.
Top may also describe a broader personal identity involving dominance in a romantic or sexual relationship ; however, this stipulation is not a requisite element of being a top. Several related terms exist. With regard to gay male sexuality, a total top is one who assumes an exclusively penetrative role for sex. A service top is "one who tops under the direction of an eager bottom". A bottom is usually the receptive partner during sexual penetration. This frequently refers to MSMs who are penetrated via the anus during anal sex.
Bottom may also describe a wider social context of submission within a romantic or sexual relationship, though this element does not apply to all people who prefer to bottom. In gay male sexuality, a total bottom is someone who assumes an exclusively receptive role during anal or oral intercourse.
A power bottom is someone who aggressively enjoys being the receptive partner. A versatile bottom is one who prefers to bottom but who tops occasionally. An oral bottom alternatively described as being the "oral active" partner is the exclusively receptive partner in oral sex, providing the penetrative partner, or oral top alternatively described as being the "oral passive" partner , with unreciprocated fellatio and irrumatio.
Versatile refers to a person who enjoys both topping and bottoming, or being dominant and submissive, and may alternate between the two in sexual situations. Versatility is a concept of lifestyle. The reciprocal scenario, where both men take turns fucking each other, is often exercised as a celebration of equality.
What sets this scenario apart from the others is the versatility of the men involved. Versatility is a unique and important feature of male anal sex. Some men consider it liberating; Versatility to them is akin to speaking two different languages.
It requires a special kind of playfulness, creativity, curiosity, and coordination. According to some, living a versatile lifestyle implies a certain openness to new things and an opposition to labels , stereotypes and generalizations.
Therefore, this concept differs from heterosexual relationships where sexual compatibility does not begin with guessing who will end up as top or bottom. A Austrian study on gay pornography has shown that at least In this study, the performances of 5, actors were considered. Versatility is a common theme of erotic artist Tom of Finland.
Top , bottom and versatile , with regard to sexual activity between males, refer specifically to the penetrative role, regardless of the physical positioning during sex.
When used in reference to heterosexual and lesbian sex , the terms top, bottom and versatile usually refer only to position and not to the penetrative role.
The popular assumption is that the majority prefer to bottom and that those who prefer to top are in the minority [ citation needed ]. A tally of 55, profiles on gay. The preferences seemed to vary by state, however. In Oregon, "versatile" profiles made up nearly half In the hanky code , a person flagging the top or active role would wear the hanky in the left pocket, the bottom or passive role on the right.
Acts which were not divisible into distinct roles however, such as "69" or "anything" followed a pattern where one flagged interest by wearing the hanky on the right, uninterest by wearing it on the left, and preferences that did not relate to sexual mechanics, such as uniform fetishism or prostitution, followed a pattern where the seeker flagged on the left and the object of desire flagged on the right.
The term side has been proposed by Huffington Post contributor Joe Kort  for gay men who are not interested in anal sex. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. Sexuality portal LGBT portal. Gay men and anal eroticism: tops, bottoms, and versatiles.
Psychology Press. Retrieved Retrieved 24 July Document Journal. Retrieved September 5, Retrieved on Davies; Ford C. Hickson; Peter Weatherburn; Andrew J. Hunt 31 October Scientific American. Archived from the original on Journal of Sex Research.
Smith, David W. Seal; Seal Archives of Sexual Behavior. The gay report: Lesbians and gay men speak out about sexual experiences and lifestyles. New York: Summit. Dossie Easton, Janet W.
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