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Not for the faint hearted, and definitely not to be worn at the annual fundraising BBQ for the local nursing home, we present to you in all its majesty, the Extra-Long Penis Apron!
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In this feature, we discuss 10 interesting things that you probably didn't know about your genitals. Whatever you happen to call it — todger, wang, willy, or dangler — the penis is an odd-looking bit of kit.
But beyond the japes and sniggers, it is, of course, vital to the survival of our species. We can all say without too much doubt that our father's penis worked, as did our grandfather's, and his father's, and so on, right back through successive generations until we reach far beyond the birth of humanity.
The penis is ancient. Just in case you were wondering, the oldest known penis dates back million years, and its fossilized remains belong to an arthropod dubbed Colymbosathon ecplecticos , which means "amazing swimmer with a large penis" in Greek. It's worth reflecting on its role in our species' survival next time you are surprised by how easily your penis is "activated. As the author Mokokoma Mokhonoana once wrote, "Even the world's greatest actor cannot fake an erection.
Penises are born ready. It is common for babies to exit the womb with an erection. Even before the moment of birth, ultrasound scans sometimes show a fetus with a fully formed erection. And, they can happen a number of times each hour. No one is quite sure why, but it might just be our body's way of testing things out and keeping them running correctly.
A lot of men might take solace in this fact: our penises are longer than they look. In fact, around half of its entire length is housed inside of our bodies. You might be thinking, "Well, it's no good to me up there," but it needs to remain connected to the rest of your anatomy , so it's probably best that it stays put.
As you can see from the diagram here, the mass of pink erectile tissue — which comprises the so grandly named corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum — extends well into the pelvic region, forming a sort of boomerang shape. Let's lay this one to rest, shall we?
According to a study published in the journal BJU International , there is no correlation between shoe size and penis length. Although an older study — which was published in — did find that penile length was related to both height and foot length, it was a weak relationship, and the authors concluded, "Height and foot size would not serve as practical estimators of penis length. Also, the International Journal of Impotence Research published an Iranian study looking at other correlations.
They concluded that "penile dimensions are significantly correlated with age, height, and index finger length," but not foot size. Also called nocturnal penile tumescence, it's still not clear why it happens. However, one theory is that it might help to prevent bed-wetting; an erection inhibits urination. A full bladder is known to stimulate nerves in a similar region to those involved in erections. But because females experience something similar — nocturnal clitoral tumescence — bed-wetting prevention is probably not the entire answer.
Another potential explanation is that REM sleep is linked with switching off cells that produce noradrenaline in the locus coeruleus, which is in the brainstem. These cells inhibit the tone of the penis. So, by reducing the inhibition , the penis becomes erect. Whatever the reason behind nocturnal erections, they can be useful as a diagnostic tool. If a man has difficulty achieving an erection when awake but becomes erect when he sleeps, it is an indication that there is a psychological issue, rather than a physical one.
Also called angel lust or terminal erection, it happens in the moments after death. However, it has also been reported following death by a gunshot wound to the head, damage to major blood vessels, and poisoning.
As I'm sure you are aware, there is no bone in your penis, which is fairly unusual for mammals. However, it is still possible to break your penis. Penile fracture , as it is known, is actually the rupture of the fibrous covering of the corpora cavernosa, which is the tissue that becomes erect when engorged with blood.
The moment of fracture is accompanied by a popping or cracking sound, intense pain, swelling, and — unsurprisingly — flaccidity. Thankfully, it doesn't happen very often and, if it is treated swiftly, full function can be restored. As a note of caution, if this happens to you, don't let embarrassment get the better of you.
Go and get it sorted as soon as possible. This is partly because it does not involve the brain. The signal to ejaculate comes from the spinal ejaculation generator. This region in the spinal cord coordinates the necessary functions. Of course, the higher brain does have some input into these matters — thinking about something else is a well-known way to delay the event , for instance — but the nuts and bolts of the whole operation are dealt with in your spine.
A man's erection can point in virtually any direction. Straight ahead, left or right, up or down, there's no right or wrong. The following data come from a study that measured the erections of 1, men. In the figures below, if the penis pointed directly up, it was measured as 0 degrees, and if it was forward-pointing horizontal , it would be 90 degrees:.
So, if you've ever been concerned that your chap is a bit skew-whiff, don't worry — you're normal. While we're on the topic of "normality," very few penises are straight; they can curve in any direction. A curve of up to 30 degrees is still considered normal. A study on men demonstrated that there is no correlation between the length of a flaccid penis and its erect size.
Some start small and end up large a grower , while some are large when flaccid and only grow a little when erect a show-er. Some are even small whatever state they are in, and some are large when flaccid and get much larger. It's a mixed bag. This doesn't hold much relevance outside of the locker room, but I guess it's good to know anyway. They don't, really. However, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg — the breakfast cereal mastermind — hoped that they would. He invented these and other products because he thought that plain foods would lead Americans away from the "sin" of masturbation.
Thankfully, nowadays, food manufacturers spend less time trying to convince the youth to give up masturbation. And, just in case there was any doubt, it doesn't make you go blind, either. If this little list has tickled your fancy, your next move might be to plan a trip to Iceland and visit the Icelandic Phallological Museum. According to Hjartarson, "Collecting penises is like collecting anything. You can never stop, you can never catch up, you can always get a new one, a better one.
Or, if you want to go one step further, you can visit the Guolizhuang Restaurant in Beijing, China, which specializes in penis and testicle dishes. It's up to you. Over-the-counter treatments for men's sexual health are widely available and often used, but are they effective or even safe?
A new study suggests not. A new study investigating the links between marriage and health concludes that marital peaks and troughs can influence cardiovascular risk factors. Some experts believe sex may provide benefits for physical and mental health in certain people.
A study found that older adults who had sex once per week - as opposed to once per month or never - did better overall on certain tests of mental….
Think you know all there is to know about your lady parts? Think again. Here, we take you through 10 things that you should know about the vagina. Share on Pinterest What do you call yours? When you consider the penis as an evolutionary adaptation, it has done remarkably well.
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Could an existing heart drug help treat cancer? Popular in: Men's Health Do penis enlargement methods work? Best foods for increasing low testosterone. When does the penis start and stop growing? What causes pain in the testicles? What causes red spots on the penis? Related Coverage. Men's sexual health: are the supplements safe?
Marital ups and downs may impact men's heart health A new study investigating the links between marriage and health concludes that marital peaks and troughs can influence cardiovascular risk factors. Does sex provide health benefits? Does sex help older brains to work better? The 10 things you should know about your vagina Think you know all there is to know about your lady parts?
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5 Sex Positions You Need to Try If Your Partner Has a Long Penis
Finding yourself on the business end of a long penis different than a wide one , can be a blessing or a curse. Here's how to get to the blessing part. Super simple, but the absolute best-feeling way to take this lengthy dude is lying facedown, with him coming in from the rear hole of your choice.
The position gives a l'il built-in distance but it still feels like you're taking him in deeply, especially if you press your legs together. Even better if you slide a hand or toy under your body and rock against it as he thrusts. A long penis means you can—finally! Throw down with some urgent, movie-style sex with you against the wall, him pressing hard against you, and pinning your arms above your head.
Wrap a leg around him and kiss him deeply. Prevent a cervical banging by putting your legs between you to control how deep he goes. Lie on your back, do a little criss-cross-applesauce move with your legs, bending them back towards your chest.
If it gets a little intense, you can give him a little nudge. You'll both feel all the glory—just not as much of it. Stroke his shaft with firm twisting strokes while your mouth focuses on his head and the first few inches.
Hand him a toy to use on you—he'll be happy to do your bidding. For the brave and flexible only: Arrange yourself up against the bed so that your shoulders are on the floor, your butt's leaning against the mattress and your legs are bent back over your head. He comes in from the top, upside down from the usual entry pattern. Tuck your chin into your chest and obey all local safety regulations.
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