On Sunday night, MTV will begin airing The Hard Times of RJ Berger , a show about a nerdy teenager barely surviving at a high school ruled by evil jocks, who, in the first episode, arrives at a turning point. During an on-the-basketball-court pantsing incident, it is revealed that RJ has an enormous penis. This is because, apologies to RJ Berger and his wet dreams, high-school girls do not care very much about penis size. Yes, there may be high-school girls who only sext with boys who are confirmed packers. There are, after all, people who do vodka shots through their eyeballs.
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On Sunday night, MTV will begin airing The Hard Times of RJ Berger , a show about a nerdy teenager barely surviving at a high school ruled by evil jocks, who, in the first episode, arrives at a turning point. During an on-the-basketball-court pantsing incident, it is revealed that RJ has an enormous penis.
This is because, apologies to RJ Berger and his wet dreams, high-school girls do not care very much about penis size. Yes, there may be high-school girls who only sext with boys who are confirmed packers. There are, after all, people who do vodka shots through their eyeballs. If owing to, say, a random pantsing incident, a high-school student were made aware of the fact that this same year-old had a big Johnson, she might be interested in this information — but would she suddenly, like some pubescent Samantha, prefer him to all the other less gangly, pimply year-olds, and her super-popular, jock boyfriend?
Look, even Serena Van Der Woodsen has never expressed an interest in penis size, and she is to regular high-school girls what bonobo monkeys are to asexually reproducing bacteria. Would it matter that he had a big penis? Of course not — everyone would be laughing way too hard to notice its size anyway. This is not who we hope RJ Berger grows up to be, right? A man whose big penis is his only talent?
High school has been compared to a lot of dreadful things, but not yet the sex industry! We hope so. Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription. Account Profile. Sign Out.
Typing with my dick wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. A: an organ boner Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? RandMcnally Guest. A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo. Originally Posted by Greg Charles. Sonny says good,then go Fuck Yourself, cause Grandma made these for me! My penis.
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A worm can get in a hole. How can you tell if a bell is a male? Ding dong. Q: What does a penis and a boat have in common? A: Once you start it up, it's all smooooth sailing! Daughter: Why is the dick called a dick? Dicks of Clock. Life of a Dick is sad Its family is nuts Its neighbor is an asshole Its best friend is a pussy and when it get excited Girl: No!!!!!! Did you get it in the mail today?
Girlfriend: Your penis is a weapon of mass destruction! Boyfriend: I'm flattered. Girlfriend: You shouldn't be. I meant it's hard to find. One Liners I named my penis "The Truth" because bitches can't handle it. Tsutsumi is the ancient Japanese art of packaging the penis to offer as a gift to the lover. You traded in your iPhone 4s for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same. Sex is like Mcdonalds, I'm lovin it. Pussy is like Subway, eat fresh. Penis is like Gatorade, is it in you?
I think your penis and my vagina need to have a "debate" If you masterbate on a plane do they charge you with "hi-jacking"? My boss asked me to work overtime on Saturday this weekend. I said I couldn't because I had my masturbation classes on Saturday and I don't want to come to late. They say penis size is related to shoe size.
Which makes the fear of being raped by a clown that much scarier. It sucks to be a penis because your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an ass hole, your best friend is a pussy, and your owner strangles you every night until you throw up!
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down. It's so cold right now, that I just saw my penis on the back of a milk carton Put a bumper sticker on your car that says: "Honk if you have a small penis" and then intentionally cut people off in traffic Some guys are quick to call a girl a hoe, but even quicker to put their penis in one. When you get a tattoo, there are good news and bad news. The bad news is you will feel a little prick. The good news is it isn't mine.
I guess those penis enlargement pills are working, you're twice the dick you were yesterday! I got fired because I lied on my resume with my new employer. I really didn't think they'd actually measure my penis. Did you here about the guy who went to the anal republic his dick came back talking shit Welcome to the Piss club! Just complete this registration form and urine!
There's a species of spider that breaks off its own penis during sex to avoid being eaten by the female afterward. Females will never be truly satisfied on Valentines Day until you have a chocolate flavored penis that ejaculates diamonds. Women say us men only think with our penis.
Ladies, don't be afraid to blow our minds. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until i catch one, I'm stuck here just holding my rod. I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night. Woke up with a massive correction. If it hurts when you pee. Urine trouble! My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my penis and asked what was I doing. Apparently, "heating your dinner" was not the right answer. Scientist say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches.
This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Math is real hard, and my penis is too. I was 6 inches away from making a penis joke. I saw this guy, he was talking about dicks, then he changed it to talk about foreskin. Willy make his mind up? It's not the size of the penis that matters, it's the fact that you understand the beginning of this sentence was a blatant lie. They laughed at me when I tried to register my penis as a lethal weapon.
The laughing stopped after I slapped 3 people in the face with it. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy and his owner beats him.
Normal chickens say cock-a-doodle-doo. Wierd chickens say doodle-cock-a-doo. A slutty chicken says any-cock-will-do. My friend decided to put his gun in his pants to conceal it. The gun accidentally went off, now he's half cocked. If uncle Jack helped you off a horse would you help uncle jack off a horse Masturbating is for dicks. Penis jokes are so old I mean cum on When Albert Einstein masterbates is it a stroke of genius? I have a knife and a penis, you choose which one is going inside you When in doubt flop it out.
A penis get shoved into the pussy with some nutella. The next day the wife asks "Wheres all the nutella? Which is why I never want to be raped by a clown. I want a tattoo on my penis that says "Click to enlarge. I named my penis Attention, because we all know how much women love attention. My wife said my penis looks like a Tic Tac she was proud of her remark, but I knocked her down a peg or two when I asked "Then why does your sister still have bad breath! She read allowed, "Madickenewe.
Barry Madickinewe. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.
What could the bad news possibly be? He says "I'm not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isn't that supposed to be on your arm? Im down to two butts a day"! And says to her husband, "honey I found a new job today. She reply, I'm a food critic! He ask what kind of food will you be tasting. She reply "Dicks. The doctor examines him and says "I've got news for you. It turns out you have five penises. How do your pants fit! The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies "No".
His breathalyzer equipment is broken So he radios the station and asks what to do. The cop at the station says "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvette? So the other cop says "What you do is tell her to get out of the car and pull out your dick as you walk up to her". So the cop does exactly what the other cop says. The blond gets out of the car and he whips out his dick. The blond "sighs" and says "Please not another breathalyzer test! They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.
The next day the meet. One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night". So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.
The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night. So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry. The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".
Bad Johnny One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing? A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants. The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?! To the first mother, she said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny. So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes. She says, "Oh my god I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks. My daughter has a penis.
He can't figure out what it is, so he goes to the doctor. The doctor hands him a tube of cream. Put this on and the ring'll be gone within the hour," the doctor said. The man drove home, put it on, and sure enough, the ring was gone within the hour. But then the next day, he woke up and the ring was there again. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor hands him the same cream, which he puts on.
The ring vanishes, only to reappear the next morning. This goes on for a few days before the man finally asks, "Doctor, the cream you're giving me takes care of the ring around my penis, but then it comes back in the morning. What's the stuff you're giving me? Rick replies "I slam my dick against a dresser hard to make it bigger and numb, so I can go longer in the sack". The man slams his dick on a dresser when with his wife and his wife says "Rick? Is that you? Husband: I love you baby.
Two hours later the tattoo is done Tattoo artist: What's the tattoo for? Husband: Its my anniversary present for my wife Tattoo artist: Thats very intriguing. Husband walks through the door penis hanging in front of wife Husband: Surprise babydoll! Penis Head Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The Aussies didnt really trust British or French studies. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead Computer Password I had an old computer that just got fixed I turned it on and it had asked for a password.
I asked my husband "What the password was? Three Schoolboys There was three boys at school one called Zip, one called Willie and another called pea. Zip stood on a chair, Willie was in a cupboard and pea was running round the class room and being naughty.
So the teacher said zip down Willie out and pea in the corner. Three Girlfriends Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 wants to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick? Grandpa says well, can your peepee touch your ass? Sonny says No, I dont think so?
Grandpa says well you aint old enough then. Soon after Grandpa cracks a beer. Sonny says can I get one of them? Grandpa says you aint old enough then. Soon after Sonny comes out with a plateful of Chocolate Chip Cookies. Grandpa says Sonny can I get one of them? Grandpa says Yeah, I think so? Sonny says good,then go Fuck Yourself, cause Grandma made these for me! Lighting the Fire One day on a camping trip a man was out side firing up the fire His wife was fixing up dinner when he said "Your butt is bigger then my fire" Then he measured her ass and it was indeed bigger then the fire.
That night when they were camping out underneath the stars and he was feeling horny. But his wife said "No way I'm not fireing up this fire to cook your weener. Men in one, women in the other. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend.
The man comes close to the cage. A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him. Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver he went the other direction!
Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?
Why did the two balls cross the road? To get to the penis! Sorry, too rude? Nobody laughs at your jokes. My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. I never tried lighting it.
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Filters 1. All Categories Stickers. Artwork Medium. Would You Like a Bigger Penis? Why are you like this? Okay, I might have underestimated him. Apparently Size Does Matter. Mines bigger than yours. Sticker Big Penis Joke.